Lindsey
God has been so cool. He placed desires on our hearts for more, to bring people together...people that are craving Him, that want to know Him more, that want to understand HIS word better, that want to be around other people who have these same desires, that want to be better disciples. Sara started hosting an IF TABLE gathering here in Clarksville, and I started a bible study group at my home (hope to share more about that soon) It's been so neat to sit back and watch her with this, I feel like she is totally in her element. Hosting and speaking in front of so many women brings so many fears and anxieties and worries. She has tried her hardest not to depend on herself for all this, but to trust that God will give her the words, courage, and materials she needs to keep moving forward with it. I can definitely see why God laid this on her heart because she is perfect for it! Totally open to putting herself out there and putting in the hard work to bring every detail together to make it happen. When I see her talking in front of everyone it's so neat because she's not trying hard to talk or pray fancy or be anything she's not, she's just making herself available to what He wants her to do or say and speaking from her heart.
Sara
One night this past spring, I laid in bed not able to sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about this thing I had heard about called “If Table” … After reading more about it, the purpose, and the vision behind IF, I felt this overwhelming excitement about it. What is IF TABLE?
“A place to gather women and share a simple meal and dive deep with people over real stories and Christ centered conversations. A time for a whole lot of laughter – and maybe a few tears – but time spent that leaves us with glad hearts. Full hearts. Grateful hearts.”
I thought to myself how fun it would be to host a dinner and talk with other women about Jesus. To be able to sit together and share a meal, share our love for our God, and ask any questions or concerns. I wanted to be able to sit in that moment with other women. As I read more about IF Table I could see the need for this in my own life. How often did I have a conversation about my relationship with Jesus? How often was I able to talk to other women and feel safe with sharing my heart or being transparent before them. Most days, I don’t have the chance to have personal conversations with adults, especially a heart to heart with other women. I felt like other women may feel this way too, they may crave to grow closer to Him like I do, they may feel like there is something more to learn about having a relationship with Him too. That was it- I knew this was something He was showing me, something He wanted me to say yes to. I wanted to be obedient to this calling, even if I wasn’t quite sure what it was going to be. As my wheels started turning with ideas and all the what if’s, or how’s… I felt the need to give this to God. I didn’t know anything about leading a ministry, hosting a small group, or the right scriptures to show women in certain situations- I just needed to make myself available to do this for Him. I prayed to God, asking the Holy Spirit to guide me through this, show me what He wants this to be, and to take away any anxiety or stress that would come with planning this event. The IF website has so many great resources, it made it easy to prepare for this event. Everything from the video I would share each time, to the question cards we would talk through during our dinner- they made it really simple for me!
A few days after deciding I was going to do this, I could sense the Holy Spirit telling me to start with a core group. Start with 10 women and then branch out from there. Two days before I hosted my first IF Table in my home, I was thinking about how I could personalize this more for the women coming. What was something that has totally changed my relationship with God that I could share with them? Surprisingly, it was journaling. I have never been a big writer. I probably started a diary or journal here and there throughout my teen years, but it was never anything I continued to do faithfully. After losing Shea, Mrs. Cindy gave me a blue notebook. In my grief, she asked me to write about how I was feeling. I’ll be honest- I didn’t know where to start. The first blank page of the journal was a little intimidating to me... how do I start? That blue notebook ended up sitting blank for several months. It wasn’t until one day that I felt like I needed to write to God- I needed to tell Him how I was feeling, ask my questions, share my concerns and worries. I picked up a pen and began, Dear Lord…
That changed the way I looked at journaling. I see it now as my way to write out my prayers to God. I can have all sorts of emotions running around in my head and it is so nice to be able to sit down, write about them and just get it out. I am able to concentrate on my prayers more by writing them out, it is also neat to be able and look back and what I have written. Somedays I can tell I was feeling really low, crying out to Him for peace and comfort. Other days I can read how God was so present- showing me that He hears my prayers. I could feel God asking me to do this for the girls coming. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to write about, but I said yes... and headed to the store. I went to Walmart and bought 10 of the back to school composition notebooks, found a quiet place that night and began to write. I tried not to overthink it, just to write what He was telling me. I prayed and asked for Him to show me what to write, what did He want me to share with these women? Each time I opened a notebook to begin writing I could feel the Holy Spirit helping me start. The words were just flowing out of me- that’s when I know its Him. Each notebook I would see their face, think about their lives, and I tried to write whatever came to mind. Some of the things I wrote I didn’t quite understand why, but I just went with it. After finishing I prayed over the journals, asking God to help each woman use this notebook to grow closer to Him, maybe through writing their own prayers or jotting down notes during a podcast or sermon… I didn’t know what he had planned for them, but I felt like it was what He wanted them to have.
The day of my first gathering I was so excited, a little nervous, but more excited. The women coming didn’t quite know what they were getting themselves into! They just knew they were coming to share a meal and have a conversation about their walk with Jesus. Moments before they arrived, I went into my bedroom and kneeled down on the ground. Praying to Him, I told God- I really had no idea what I was doing. I told him, I don’t know what you have planned for tonight or the gatherings afterwards, but I want this to be yours God. I want you to use me- as I am only hosting this event for you; when I pray with them Lord, please speak through me, show me what to say. I put my total trust in Him to get me through this- to help me lead these women through this “IF Table” because I had never done anything like this before.
I have to tell you, throughout that night He was ever so present. I sat at my kitchen table with 10 other women and had a genuine, honest conversation. It was so cool to see how the Holy Spirit would prompt each of us to share different things. There were times when I felt like I needed to be quiet and listen, and then other times when I could feel Him pushing me to share what I experienced. One of the women in the IF video that night spoke about how no one is behind in their walk with God. I loved that. I felt like as I listened to the different women sitting at my kitchen table, I could see how much I had to learn from each of them and what they were going through. Towards the end I asked each of the women to be a part of this in the next 3 months to come. I asked them to help me lead this and grow our group, the number four kept coming to mind, so I asked them to invite four friends. I didn’t know where it would be, how we would pay for it, but I just went with it- I had total faith that if this is what God wants, he will provide. I left that night feeling more of a desire to get to know Him better and to grow closer in my personal relationship with Him. I was most excited about how He truly showed up for me... how He led me through that night and really helped me stay calm when praying in front of everyone. I just kept thanking Him for what He had done- He was so faithful to me.
Well- that next week I started thinking... what in the world am I going to do with the 40 something people that were planning on coming in August? God- you have to show me... please tell me what to do. As a few days went by it was like He was laying everything out piece by piece. We were looking for a place, what to eat, the decorations... it was all starting to come together. First with the place, Pastor Derek at Living Hope Baptist Church was so generous in offering a place for us to host the event. All it took was one phone call and a conversation about what IF was- he was on board! Himself, Mrs. Chrystal, Mrs. Heather and others from their church family were ready and willing to help make this event happen! Next were the decorations- how was I going to do this? God answered this request with Mrs. Trina Snider, owner of Second Hand Love vintage prop rentals. She offered to take care of all the linens and beautiful decorations. I have to tell you how incredible she has been- each month to load up her car, and sometimes others with everything from the most unique items for each table, drop cloths and linens, the serving trays or mason jars, right down to every napkin, fork, knife, and spoon. Her heart has been in this event each month and I am so thankful to her creative talent and willingness to make this so beautiful for each of person coming. We all started praying for the women that would come- who would God place together that evening? As our 2nd IF TABLE night arrived in August, it was so incredible to see how God grew our group. Over a yummy spaghetti meal, each table talked with one another about what surprises us, intrigues us, and draws us closer to Jesus.
As I drove home that night, I turned off the music and thanked God for what he had done, but I wanted to know what to do next. How could I improve this or make it more of what He wanted? As I sat in silence, I could feel the holy spirit telling me to get the women in their bibles. Not just bringing them, but in them. It was pretty amazing and came so strong. I also heard the word testimony. I wasn’t sure whose testimony that meant, but I definitely heard it.
About a week later, I was talking with Lindsey about the next gathering. As we were talking I could feel that it was her. He wanted her to share her testimony. What is so cool to me about this (maybe not to her at the time! ) was that she wasn’t very keen on speaking in front of people, and what IF.. what if she was able to do this!! She even laughed a little when I asked her. But, I felt pretty confident she would do it. I loved hearing her speak at our previous If Tables, or if you have been lucky enough to sit in her salon chair, you have probably heard her speak about her faith as well too. It is the passion that comes out of her when she talks- the light in her eyes- the excitement and love for God- it is contagious! I was so excited about this, but she needed Him to show her that this was what He wanted her to do….
Lindsey
I laughed when she first asked because she knows my biggest fear is speaking in front of people. I told her I would pray about it...I had total confidence that God would definitely not ask me to do that because He knows my fears! As I prayed I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me and tell me He wants me to do it, I asked Him what I could even say? What words can I possibly speak that could ever help anyone else? I'm just Lindsey!!! I felt like He told me that so many woman are carrying around so much weight every single day...past hurt, offense, bitterness, grief... He said to me, they don't even know that I can take that off of their shoulders. Tell them how I took the weights off of you. Tell them how I help you every single day. This was such a big thing for me, I was even a maid of honor in my best friends wedding one time and I teared up and totally chickened out when it came time to give my speech, so how in the world could I do this? I needed more confirmation. If I'm going to do this I need to know it's Gods plan and not my own.
As soon as I got done praying I picked up my phone to play a sermon on my Gateway app...the very first one that popped up was titled "Just Do It". Well theres your first sign Lindsey...then I went to church and in class the teacher randomly in the middle of class spoke about how important it is to give our personal testimony.. sign number 2! He talked about how no one can go against it because it's yours! It happened to you! And in reality it's Gods story and not your own, so tell His story! For His glory! Then I went to church service and pastor Derek spoke about Moses and how when God spoke to him in the burning bush and told him to go free the Israelites, but Moses didn't feel like he was capable, he didn't feel like he could speak well and he doubted himself over and over, but still it was Gods plan ....sign number 3.
After that I told myself I would do it. How much more confirmation do I really need? I almost wish Sara would have asked me about five minutes before I had to do it because over the next 3 weeks I struggled up and down with actually going through with it. Every time the fear crept back in I knew that wasn't from God, that's from the enemy. Of course Satan wants to stop me because it might help someone when I share what God has done for me. I had to recognize the emotions that I was feeling and know they were not from God so I couldn't even pay them any attention. I had to keep reminding myself that the Holy Spirit would speak through me. I prayed and prayed for God to make words come out when I opened my mouth. And to make my legs walk up there when it's the right time! The week of the gathering Satan tried very hard to stop me and he came very close. I had a hard week literally in tears over this because I knew it was getting closer, the fear and anxiety and worry started to creep back in. Doubt was running through my mind...I'm not good enough, these women have a much stronger faith than me, I really don't even have a story, other people I'm sure went through worse things, I'm not knowledgeable enough about God to speak to anyone! My sweet Godly friends carried me through the last week reminding me how special God has made each of us and how God can use my story to help someone else. A friend sent me this
“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
Faith without works is dead....that stuck with me and hit me hard. I need to do this for Him and His glory. This has nothing to do with me anymore. I need to take myself out of it and if I really want to be used by Him I need to quit telling Him no to things He is asking me to do. God wants me to trust Him and how can I really do that unless I am walking in my biggest fears? It's easy to trust Him when nothing is really going out of my comfort zone, but when I'm walking in His plan it won't always be comfortable. Lindsey alone cannot do it, but Lindsey walking with Jesus and with the power of the Holy Spirit can! And if I say I really believe in Him then I need to be ready to do whatever "action" He is calling me to do. I wanted to share a clip of some of my testimony video. Cody hid in the back and videotaped it so I'm sorry quality isn't the best :)
I felt Him giving me the words, on my notebook I put a few messy scribbled points I wanted to touch on but I wanted it to come from Him so I taped Halli's Jesus picture on the page too to give me courage and to know He is right there with me. I didn't want to depend on myself I wanted to depend on Him to give me the right words someone needed to hear and I felt like He did because immediately after the sweetest women started to come up to me with tears welling up in their eyes. They told me how certain points I talked about really spoke to their heart with things they are personally going through. That's when it was all worth it, I knew I wanted to make God so proud of me and to do it for Him but once I talked to these women I was able to see why He asked me to do it... for those specific women. The next few days and weeks women kept reaching out, asking questions and wanting to dig deeper in different points I talked about and that was so neat! To see how God used my messy sad story to help someone else... that's exactly what He does. He redeems us and our story, He equips us everyday through the Holy Spirit and He uses us for His glory to help His other children. Your pretty cool God :)
Sara
Everything aligned so well for this next gathering. The food would come from an incredible caterer, Living Hope Baptist offered their sanctuary to us, Mrs. Snider, and with the help of her sweet momma, created arrangements and brought everything we needed to dress all of the tables again too! I couldn’t have asked for a better team of people to prepare this event! Our September IF TABLE was here! As the IF Team went around the sanctuary helping to set the tables up, they also prayed over each and every seat. Mrs. Cindy met with the team to pray over us and help prepare our minds and hearts to lead each table. She has been another answered prayer throughout this process. One of the ways we felt God wanted us to grow our gathering is by diving deeper into his word. By looking closer at the questions and where we could look in the Bible for His truths on each topic. Prior to this gathering, we met as a team to go over the questions, the verses, and the video. I loved this because not only were we learning how to share this information with the group of women that would be at our tables, but it was also like a study session or small group where I could learn more too. That month, our Clarksville "IF TEAM" continued to grow. IF's vision of ordinary women becoming disciples was really happening. Each month different women have either asked about leading a table, feeling the nudge that this was something they should do, or saying yes when we asked them to take this risk and step out to lead. Just as the team grew, so did the number of women that came that night. God took our group of women fromfrom 10, to 37, to 122!! As I went on stage and welcomed the women, I was in complete AWE. Just in shock and blown away at what was happening. I probably said thank you, thank you like 1000 times, but I really just couldn’t get over what He had done with this group in 3 months. Each person there felt His calling, his knock and said Yes.
“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me.”
After praying together, we listened to the song, Oceans + You Make Me Brave. I chose this because of the meaning behind the Oceans song with our sister Shea, but also for the message of You Make Me Brave. This played right before Lindsey would share her testimony. I wanted her to hear those words- to feel His presence in what he was leading her to do. As I watched Lindsey walk onto the stage, I felt so much excitement for her. I definitely had that big sister feeling of pride! She was doing it- she was really doing it! I stood there in the back of the sanctuary holding Mrs. Cindy’s hand as Lindsey began to speak. After listening to her for a few moments, I could feel Shea. The most overwhelming warm feeling came over my right side. She was there with me- watching our beautiful little sister share her heart, taking a risk to stand out and be different like Shea had told her in her dream. I couldn’t get over the feeling, it was so strong. It still gives me chills to think about it- Shea witnessing Lindsey sharing her testimony. To see how her journey with God throughout her life, and then our journey after her death has had such a ripple effect on our lives and others. I wanted Shea to see Lindsey’s love for Jesus too- the way she craved to know him more, to hear him more clearly, and to remove distractions and clean out her heart to draw closer to him. I wanted Shea to see that the God she spends every day with now, is so loved by her sister too. I can imagine the smile on Shea’s face... the tears that were probably in her eyes... Lindsey- Shea and I are so proud of you. Your passion and love for God is so full inside of you, it flows out. I hope others see your light and crave to grow closer in their own friendship with Jesus, like you have shown me.
Someone asked me when I first started doing IF Table, if it was a God thing or a Shea thing? Honestly- it’s both for me. IF Table has been an opportunity for me to be able to talk with other women about my walk with God, learn from them and share our stories. There is power in the phrase, “me too” and hearing that as we are sitting in those valleys or feeling the joy of an answered prayer is incredible. We are all going through something, growing in our relationship, or looking for a way to better serve Him- we are in the process. I am so thankful that God has given our community this outlet to speak about Him. IF TABLE is perfect for those who are just learning who Jesus is, to those who have known Him for years. You might not be ready to step back into church, but maybe you are ready to sit at a table and have a meal? That’s all this is- very simple, just a meal and a conversation at a table. I pray that God moves on your heart, I pray that He ignites a fire in you- a craving to know Him more, spend time with Him, and start to learn more about the relationship, a friendship He wants to have with you. Each of us have such a different experience with Him, our relationships are all so different and unique. Just as God called Lindsey to share her testimony, He has done the same to our sweet friend Courtney. She will share her heart with us, along with her experiences in her walk with God. Just like last month, everything we needed when planning our October IF started to fall into place. One of my most favorite places was offered for us to host this event. Sweet Mrs. Shirley has known our family a long time and I feel so honored that she would open her Hayloft doors to us and all of the women God has planned to come.
We would love for you to join us this Sunday, at The Hayloft for our last IF TABLE of 2017, "How Do We Live Out Our Faith". Throughout the next couple of months when we are not meeting as a large group, we will be meeting with women who feel the calling to branch off and host their own IF TABLE. To help show them the tools and resources IF has available to them. One of the ideals behind IF's vision is the desire to make disciples. "The dream is that ordinary women would become leaders who rise up to make disciples in every city in the country and every country in the world" - IF. I am so excited to see where God leads our IF Table groups here in Clarksville and to see how this seed He has planted right here in our community will grow and flourish into something of beauty that only He could create and hold.